Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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