I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
