Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
