Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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