if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
