is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
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My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
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It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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