Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
