If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
