Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
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next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
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... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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