They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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