She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
