I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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