We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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