I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
