Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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