so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
pop tarts are not kleenex
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
