Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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