just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
