Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
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Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
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it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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