Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
