Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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