Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
