my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
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We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
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The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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