all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
