Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
