Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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