Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
