my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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