So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
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You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
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There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize