my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
