I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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