Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
