I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
