I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
