Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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