Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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