he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
