Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
