Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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