Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
