I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
