Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
