I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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