My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
