This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
