when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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