he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
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then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
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I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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