found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
