So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
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The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
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Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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