Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
