You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
