Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
