the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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