is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
