how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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