I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
