i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
