you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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