my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
